The Tangled Trilogy
by Cuzosu
Summary: All three parts in one go.  Returning from a mission, Reno and Rude discover they're in for more than they bargained for...  Language, Implications  yaoi , Violence, Humor, and Reno's Luck. I own nothing of FFVII, unfortunately...


This is a three part fic I'm posting all in one go, because that's how I had it saved. It is also posted on a Final Fantasy VII fan site called The Seventh Heaven, under my username Cuzosu.

The reason this came about is because I was bored and my fellow Seventh Heaven member, Feidreva, made me a challenge. She wanted a fic with my humor, written with Reno in character, with the following requirements:

- Reno being nice, sexy, and funny, possibly all three at once.

- bath time for Reno

- Reno wipes Rude's bald head.

- A chocobo

- A guy of your choice appearing in the background wearing only his underwear

I took the challenge, responding with this little trilogy of Tangled, Two Tangled, and Entangled. There are hidden meanings to the names of the fic chapters, and I like it that way.

Without further ado, the warnings, disclaimer and story, not necessarily in that order. Footnotes are at the end of each "chapter" even though I didn't separate them much.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but a copy of Final Fantasy VII, since someone stole my copies of Dirge of Cerberus and Advent Children.

WARNINGS: contains odd humor, insinuations (yaoi and het), Reno's luck, bad language, violence and the aftermath of violence, bad puns, and other quirks of my mind.

If you can put up with all that, read on and enjoy, and leave a review if you have the time.

**Tangled**

They were TURKs. Everyone knew that TURKs were unscrupulous, heartless bastards, assassins for ShinRa, Corps., and a very deadly group of bodyguards that could easily be likened to a pack of feral dogs. Loyal only to their leaders, ready to tear apart anyone with the slightest provocation and no mercy, ruthless to the core.

However, Reno was Reno. He COULD be all of those things, Rude knew. But he also had a penchant for acting immature...and for being somewhat of a rebel. So it came as no surprise that Reno liked to pick fights—and to walk away from fights anyone but Rufus ShinRa, his boss Tseng, or his comrade and lover Rude started. The issue this time was...

_He's a moron_, Rude thought. Instead of returning to Midgar from their latest mission, the redhead had decided that they were going swimming—and not at Costa del Sol. It was too populated for Reno's tastes at the moment. (It was also on the other continent, and would take too long to get to for Reno's interest to hold.) No, they were going to swim in the river on their way back to Midgar from Junon. The bald man growled to himself again, shaking his head.

Oblivious, Reno cheerfully swiped a cloth over his partner's head, rubbing gently but firmly, ignoring the disgruntled noises this caused. Truth be told, the redhead was trying to be obnoxious. And he was succeeding.

Still, the blood from this last kill-ordered mission was being cleansed off the dark-skinned man's head, at least. Tseng had told them to make it look like a monster kill. So they had used weapons shaped like claws and fangs, had mutilated the bodies afterwards, and had subsequently gotten blood all over both them and the kill site (which was monster-accessible, because Tseng was perfectionist like that).

Apparently, Reno was too impatient to wait and clean up in either their home or headquarters. But then, he wouldn't have been Reno if he wasn't impatient. Thus, the stop at the river.

Rude shook his head. _None of our bosses—or Elena, for that matter—would understand this without having it explained. Tseng and Rufus permit us our peculiarities, of course, but to them—it's a way of coping with our jobs_. But for Reno, it wasn't stress relief. It wasn't coping. What it was, was his personality. It was the simple fact that Reno was...well, Reno. _And Reno's impatient_, Rude growled amusedly in his head as the helicopter landed more abruptly than anyone not regularly a passenger while Reno was driving would be prepared for. They were still close to Junon.

Reno dragged Rude out of the helicopter, a feat that might surprise those who didn't know the TURK* pair. The bald man was big, while the redhead was thin. But under that deceptive thinness was wiry muscle and speed, coupled with a natural grace in battle. Too bad the grace didn't quite carry over into the times when he was startled or overexcited.

Crimson hair spread like feathers on a bird's wing as Reno tripped—and forgot to release his handhold on Rude. The bald man fell like a stone, missing Reno only because he'd been in the process of trying to duck the helicopter's blades (the man was tall, after all) and had thus been yanked in a different direction when Reno tripped. Under his breath, Reno thanked Gaia that his larger and heavier partner hadn't fallen on him. It wasn't the weight he'd have had problems with, but his being the sudden stopping point for his partner's weight.

Rude rose to his feet with astonishing grace for a man his size, shaking his head and muttering under his breath at Reno. Far from being offended about the disparaging comments being made, the redhead grinned to himself.

_Only me_, he thought smugly, customary arrogance back in place. _No one else can get Rude to talk as much as I can_. He blithely ignored the fact that most of the time it was swearing or derogatory commentary.

Traversing the remnant of the few steps left from helicopter to river, they had no more incidents. After setting their spare suits** and shoes where they'd be left alone until reclaimed, the physically mismatched pair waded into the water to clean themselves of blood, and to attempt to clean the suits before the bloodstains became permanent.

As per the bald man's expectations, while his own suit was fairly easily cleaned, Reno's was a lost cause. Not only had it been more soaked in blood than his own, but the redhead had gotten all excited, which had raised his body temperature and helped to dry the blood faster—plus, he'd been close to the engine. Those bloodstains were NOT coming out. And since TURKs were trained to never leave evidence of their presence behind (excepting the bodies and whatever evidence their orders told them to), they started removing his suit so they could burn it later. Unfortunately, Reno somehow managed to get himself tangled in the pant legs with the help of the running water, lost his balance in a moment of perfect gracelessness, and was washed away down the river, spluttering and swearing violently.

Rude didn't even blink. He just rolled his eyes, growled one disgruntled remark, and dove under the water after his crimson-haired lover. This had been possible all along. Improbable, but possible. And so, in true TURK fashion, the large man swam, cutting through the water like a shark on the hunt as he barreled towards his unlucky partner.

It was only a few minutes before Rude caught Reno, but that was sufficient to carry them several miles out of their way—and when they climbed out of the water thanks to the slowing of the water as it mixed with the ocean, they still had to trek back to the helicopter.

They lay on the shore for a short moment, recovering both from the suddenness of Reno's close call and from the force of the river current. Water was not known for mercy.

Reno recovered quickly. This may have been because he was too stubborn to stay immobile for any length of time. "'kay, Rude, I guess it's time to return to our TURK-ly duties."

Rude raised an eyebrow at the phrasing. "_TURK-ly_?" he rumbled. "I'm surprised you didn't say _TURK-y_," admitted the big man.

The redhead grinned. "Nah, Boss got pissed last time I called our duties TURK-y in his presence."

Dark-skinned Rude raised an eyebrow. Translated from Reno-ese to Wutaian, this most likely meant that Tseng had nearly had an apoplexy from rage. "He probably doesn't like you comparing top-notch assassins and bodyguards to dumb wild birds," he pointed out mildly.

Face scrunching up with a mix of amusement and denial, Reno countered with, "It was Thanksgiving, and he was trying to make us _work_!" Reno had been more intent on trying to eat-although _what_ he'd been salivating over having in his mouth was most definitely unfit for polite conversation.

"We still wound up working," reasoned Rude. "More so, since you mouthed off and Tseng had to send you away or kill you horribly." And for any TURK, but most especially Tseng, that was a _massive_ understatement.

"Tch, still," muttered Reno. "Boss-man overreacts a lot."

_And you don't give him plenty of provocation?_ Rude wondered silently. Instead of saying it, he merely growled, "When we get back, we're still going to have to clean up."

"What? Why!" Reno demanded to know.

"Sea water."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Salt."

"You're sayin' I don't taste good now?"

Rude glanced back over his shoulder as he began walking, said nothing, and continued on.

A quarter of a mile later, his attention was caught by a gagging sound from behind him. He looked back to see Reno grossing out over something. One dark eyebrow rose.

"... You were right," Reno told him after a short pause. Obviously irked, he stormed past his partner, heading right for the helicopter.

As the redhead passed, Rude caught a glimpse of something wet on Reno's hand. It was all the bald man could do not to grin.

Reno had tasted himself...and decided he was too salty.

*I was SO tempted to put TURK-ish  
**Tseng would never allow any TURK to get away with wearing a suit that was less than clean in public unless there was a major point to be made...or unless Rufus ordered him to.

Two Tangled: Part II of the Tangled Trilogy

Arriving back by the beach where they'd left the helicopter, it came as a surprise to discover that said helicopter was gone.

Reno, of course, exhibited typical redheaded temper. "WHAT THE HELL, YO! WHO STOLE MY WINGS?"

Rude's response was an annoyed grunt.

"Gaia DAMN IT!" Reno continued, stomping up and down the beach in a fit of pique. "How the hell are we supposed to get back now?"

The bald partner just sighed. "Chocobos or feet," he muttered, listing their two options as far as transportation went. People still weren't very friendly toward anyone formerly of ShinRa, Corp. Although TURKs could arguably be said to still be employed by ShinRa, since Rufus had been the president and still controlled the money.

"Huh?" Reno's irate pacing ceased abruptly. "Yo, Rude, what did you say? You gotta speak up sometimes, partner," chided the redhead.

"Chocobos or feet," Rude said again. He didn't like talking, therefore it could easily be assumed that he disliked reiteration even more.

Typically, this birdbrained* idea sparked an explosion of temper. "WHAT THE HELL, YO!" he exclaimed again. But he stomped off in the direction of the marsh, on his way to the Chocobo Farm to find a couple of chocobos. No way was he WALKING all the way back to Midgar!

Rude shook his head, knowing exactly what was going through his partner's head. It might take a little less time, but it wasn't that far from the Chocobo Farm to Midgar...

Reno was swearing violently to himself. It had come as no surprise to Rude that his impatient, redheaded partner was essentially incompatible with the large riding birds.

A sudden thought occurred to Rude, and it was all the bald TURK could do not to laugh. _Watching Reno try to ride a chocobo is like watching him fight Cloud—he winds up being sent sprawling or otherwise losing his balance, and his opponent usually wins_. Images of Reno jumping around and swearing, swinging his EMR** and mostly missing Cloud filled his head. He didn't have to imagine Reno doing the same with a true chocobo opponent, because that was happening right beside him. It was embarrassing for any TURK to watch a comrade acting like that—especially for Rude, since they were lovers, and for Tseng, who was their perfectionist boss. Thankfully, their Wutaian commander wasn't there to see the spectacle.

Eventually Rude grew tired of hearing the commotion (and having to catch the damn chocobo again after Reno scared it off), so he bound and gagged the redhead, then threw him over the chocobo's back like a sack of potatoes*** and tied him securely to said chocobo so that Reno wouldn't fall off. Rude didn't need three guesses to find out whether or not his partner would manage to fall, bound, from a chocobo on the run. He was agile when fighting or pulling pranks, but suffered an absolute inability to be anything of the sort otherwise. The bald man had seen him fall into a gorge one time because he'd tried to test his balance on the old bridge spanning it. Of course he'd lost his balance, and the hand rope**** had been rotten with age. That was just Reno's luck—all bad.

What Rude should have remembered was that all things involving Reno turned out bad for _someone_, and when Reno wasn't the cause of misfortune for others, it tended to come back on the redhead himself.*****

With a resounding series of crashes and several panicked "wark"ing cries from the chocobo—plus the unsurprising muffled curses from Reno—the chocobo tripped over its reins, which had been left dangling since the redhead was tied up and wouldn't have been able to use them. Rude froze for a second before looking back, sure that he was about to start kicking himself for something. When he turned his head cautiously, Rude knew his previous suspicion had been correct. He began the mental kicking even as he lashed his chocobo to a nearby tree and moved to the aid of his partner.

If an observer had been unaware of the situation, it would have appeared as though a chocobo had been hogtied and wing-bound so that it could be used as a feather duster. Upon closer inspection, one might see a spill of red hair stuck in the bird's beak, which had somehow been tied shut with the laces of a saddle bag. Untying the bag would expose a blood-soaked suit and a water-soaked suit, carefully separated. Following the crimson hair from the chocobo's beak would lead to the sight of a rather squashed and pissed off TURK.

Rude managed to lever the chocobo off his partner and loosed the redhead from his bonds. Reno ripped the gag from his head, green eyes boring holes into his bald lover. For once, the most verbose of the TURKs was speechless with fury—and from being flattened by a large riding bird that could carry him with no problems, of course. But Rude took his blessings where he could find them. Gaia only knew what Reno would say when he caught his breath again...

So Rude did something rare: he started a conversation. "How did you and the bird get so tangled?" He was really hoping Reno got distracted by this and forgot what he'd intended to say.

Reno snarled, though Rude couldn't tell if it was aimed at him or the chocobo. "Damn bird kept trying to peck and bite me!"

_Well_, thought Rude, _he does have a way of pissing people off. Why shouldn't chocobos be included?_ What he said was, "And the laces?"

"... Paybacks," muttered the redhead.

The bald TURK raised an eyebrow, but didn't say a word. He didn't have to. Reno understood Rude's silences as well as Rude understood Reno's way of speaking, from understatements to over-dramatics.

"Tch, what, yo? Now I can't kick a bird for attacking me?" He gave his lover an insulted look. "Yo, I'm a TURK, not some lapdog!"

Rude sighed. In other words, Reno had been strapped with his feet by the saddlebag, had gotten pissed at the bird for being understandably unhappy with him, had tried to kick said bird, and had subsequently wound up squashed beneath a panicked chocobo. The dark-skinned man rubbed the bridge of his nose, already wishing they were back in Midgar.

_I'm not sure how much more of these antics I can take..._

It was a relief to Rude when he saw Midgar, the only city he knew of that could lurk in the shadows as well as its inhabitants. They were almost there.

Ten minutes later, the two TURKs walked into ShinRa headquarters. Rufus had returned the remnants of ShinRa (i.e.- himself and the TURKs) to their Midgar building from the Healin Lodge once the populace had calmed from their initial terrified tempers. Rude supposed he couldn't honestly blame the people for being upset—the WEAPON disasters had been bad enough, but the Sephiroth-related issues were, at heart, the fault of ShinRa, Corporation's former president and Hojo. It was only logical that there would be retribution demanded. The only problem he had with what the people had tried to do was when they'd targeted Rufus after he started making amends. But, he acknowledged, since when had anyone but TURKs been given reason to trust anyone with ShinRa before? Even TURKs took out insurance policies.******

It didn't take Rude much time to write the report. He'd long ago figured out how to write a succinct, polite report. Tseng even knew how he did it, though he was the most mute of the TURKs.  
He had Reno summarize their mission, and then he went over the words and made them suitably perfectionist and polite for Tseng. In fact, Rude suspected that the only reason Tseng ever bothered to have Reno do paperwork was because he had to have some method of punishing the redhead. Reno, on the other hand, was positive this was the case, but kept his mouth shut. If he'd said a word, Tseng probably would have made him write his own reports ALL the time, and for all that Reno had a tendency to be a little too talkative,******* the redhead really wasn't as stupid as he often seemed.

Tseng didn't bat an eye when Rude handed in the mission report, even though Reno, standing next to his partner, had several unnoticed chocobo feathers wrapped in his hair. It paid to have an expressionless facade when working with Reno, regardless of whether he was one's employee or superior. No one, including Rude, was ever quite sure of what he was going to do next. This was possibly one of the reasons Rude had succumbed to Reno's predatory advances and not so much agreed as just become the redhead's lover. Reno, of course, had needed quite the ego deflation the next day.

After Tseng dismissed them for the night, Reno insisted that they check the security cameras to see if they could figure out where the tracer said the missing helicopter was at. To their surprise, both cameras and tracking device claimed it was on the heli-pad. When they checked, their eyes confirmed it.

"What the hell, yo? Who steals a ShinRa helicopter and returns it to ShinRa headquarters?"

Rude grunted. Reno wasn't the only one confused. So the bald man turned and led the way back to the security cameras operation room. He found the disk with the data he was looking for, put it in the spare computer set aside for just such purposes as these, and searched through the video on it until he found the point when the helicopter landed. Eyes intent, both partners watched like hawks.  
Out climbed a familiar blond woman in a suit.

_Elena._

Two pairs of eyes narrowed, one a furious green, the other covered by sunglasses. Both TURKs snarled softly. The newest member of the TURKs had some explaining to do...

*And I mean birdbrained in the most chocobo of ways, lol  
**For those who don't recall, this stands for ElectroMagnetic Rod  
***Okay, like a very molestable and sexy sack of potatoes, but we all love both Reno and potatoes anyways, don't we? XD I thought back to all our previous conversations about potatoes, and I just couldn't help but add this footnote! *halo* ... What? *shifty look* I'm innocent! ... Not. Lol.  
****Can't really call it a rail when the bridge had no wood in the hand-holds, nor metal, right? Lol.  
*****This may possibly have been some sort of karmic paybacks for his violence and his often disturbing sense of humor. He'd scared off three of Rufus's secretaries this year alone...and it wasn't even a full two months old yet.  
******Of the blackmail sort.  
*******MASSIVE UNDERSTATEMENT.

Entangled: Part III of the Tangled Trilogy

It hadn't been difficult to track down Elena. She'd been outside Tseng's office when they'd left earlier.

It had actually been slightly more of a challenge to get her away from there so they could have a...chat. Not that they'd hurt a fellow TURK without due cause, but there were some things she needed to be able to figure out on her own.

"Yo, 'lena! Come here a sec!"

Elena relented after ten minutes, realizing the redhead wasn't going to shut up.* Walking over, she said, "What do you want, Reno?"

Rude glanced into the office next to Tseng's, noted that Rufus was inside it—as was only fitting; it was his office—and jerked his head toward the nearest empty office. It was the one he shared with Reno, and it was on the other side of Rufus's because they were TURKs and it was their job to bodyguard their boss. Elena's office was on the other side of Tseng's.

When they were all three in the room, Rude shut the door.

"So what's this about?" Elena asked again.

"Helicopter," rumbled Rude. He was still annoyed. Reno hadn't quite been shut up by the gag, so there had been noise for the whole trip back.

"Yeah, I found—" began the blond, then froze.

"You stole my wings, yo!" Reno snarled, furious.

"How was I supposed to know it was yours?" she shouted back, scared that they were going to tell Tseng. Then she got a good look at Rude. She gulped.

He had this way of going so still that his presence became the proverbial white elephant in the room, ruining whomever he was pissed off at. It was something that all the TURKs and Rufus could do, be so still that only an idiot could think they weren't extremely dangerous. But Rufus tended to go for casual precision, while Tseng was always somewhat stiff out of formality and an awareness of his job as TURK Commander, and Elena was still a rookie and couldn't do it at will. When the ever-active Reno went still, things were about to go to hell in a handbasket. But when Rude went still instead of just seeming to lumber along like a mountain, it meant his target was going to really suffer for however long it took him to wipe the floor with whomever had sparked his normally buried temper.

"And you couldn't wait to see if someone'd come back to it?" Reno's eyes glowed with the force of his temper. "Didn't you THINK?"

_This coming from someone notorious for leaping before he looks, as the saying goes_, Rude thought to himself, hand to his face in disgust. _Hopefully she realizes how badly she messed up, since she's being lectured on it by the only other TURK likely to do anything similar._

"USE YOUR HEAD!" snapped Reno. "Does anyone who is not a TURK or is unaccompanied by TURKs do anything with a ShinRa helicopter in groups of less than five since the Meteor Incident with Sephiroth?"

"... No," Elena said hesitantly.

"Can you tell me why that is?" Rude interrupted the furious diatribe with forced calm, intent on making sure the rookie of the TURKs learned something from this.

Reno shut his mouth, jaw clenched against the words that wanted out. He knew that if he botched what his partner was trying to teach Elena, it wouldn't be only the blond woman who was treated to the side of his temper that Rude showed his comrades.

"Because...we're TURKs and we have priority?"

"No," said Rude. "Popular opinion."

The confused look said she didn't get it. Rude threw a glance at Reno from the corner of his sunglasses. That was all it took to tell the redhead to explain further.

"Yo, think, 'lena! Is ShinRa, Corp. popular right now?"

"No."

"Right, yo, because of the problems with the reactors and the Meteor Incident and all that stuff. So, think. Some of them wanted to kill every ShinRa employee they could even before all of that. More of them do now, yo. Not even Rufus goes places without at least two TURKs with him. Why? Because almost everyone in the world wants us all dead." He was losing most of his slum-beginnings accent, which told Elena better than any words how serious he really was.

"But AVALANCHE, Cloud's group—they forgave us!" protested Elena.

Reno snorted. "Yeah, yo. They did. Which is why most people aren't actively hunting us." Heaving a disgruntled sigh, he turned to Rude. "Yo, Rude, I need some downtime. Let's go get something to drink."

Rude eyed his crimson-haired lover impassively. "Bath first," he decided.

The redhead opened his mouth to protest, then remembered their last mission. "Fine, yo," he grumbled. "THEN we go out."

Since Rude's reply was a grunt, Reno took it for granted that he agreed, however unhappily.

It was bath time for Reno. The tub in use was their smaller one, the one for solitary cleaning. Their other tub was huge, well able to fit both TURKs at the same time. But Rude had picked this one, because he'd already showered while Reno dithered over where he wanted them to go afterwards.

Reno came up spluttering, snarled curses about the water in his nose, and wiped ineffectually at his eyes. "Ruuuuude!" he whined. "Ya got soap in my eyes, yo!" His elbow bumped the shampoo bottle, knocking it onto its side.

Rude grunted. He was trying to help Reno get all the dried gore out of his hair...and so far he wasn't sure it was working. But he grabbed a dry washcloth, set it over Reno's eyes, and kissed him.

"Shut up and hold it there," he said briskly. Without further ado, he pulled the plug from the drain, turned the water back on, and used the shower head to rinse out his lover's hair.

The feeling of fingers running through his hair was pure heaven for Reno, who purred like a cat and twined himself around Rude, dragging him into the water, too. It soaked the bald man's suit, but since when had Reno payed attention to little details like that? He ran his hands up and down the larger man's sides, a Cheshire cat grin on his face. What happened next was in neither of their plans.

Rude stepped back, meaning to sit down on the edge of the tub and have some fun with his redheaded lover. But the overturned shampoo bottle hadn't been shut, and it had leaked.

The bald man's foot slid out from under him, knocked Reno's from under the smaller TURK as well, and both fell. Rude felt the back of his other knee hit the edge of the tub as he tried to keep his balance, and suddenly he was on his back, both legs draped over the side of the tub, and Reno had just landed on his middle.

Reno struggled to get his arm out from under his lover, but it was a challenge since the floor had been liberally splashed with water when they fell out and his feet kept slipping from lack of traction. Swaying a bit as he regained his feet, he rasped, "Yo, thanks, Rude. Floors like me better than I like them." His sopping wet hair clung to his shoulders and cheeks, his lips were a little kiss-swollen, and he was rubbing the knot on the back of his head from his chocobo incident earlier. "I'll make it up to you when we get back tonight, yo. Big time." He probably didn't notice that his lower lip was sticking out, but the bald man was sure Reno was pouting because he kept having these accidents.

_Today has not been good for Reno. Tonight will be good for both of us._ And Reno was pure enchantment with his sexy body all wet, and his hooded, slyly mischievous green eyes. Not that the bald man minded in the least.

It took Rude a moment to catch his breath, but he staggered to his feet and they finished cleaning themselves up—in Rude's case, for the second time in less than an hour.

Then they donned fresh clothes and went to the Seventh Heaven.**

The Highwind was still being repaired, but from the looks of things, the group had gathered again for one of those reunions Yuffie was so insistent on. Personally, Reno thought she just wanted more chances to steal whatever materia the rest of the group had managed to acquire while she wasn't around.

Tifa Lockheart was still the bartender at the Seventh Heaven. Not that Reno and Rude had really expected otherwise; that birdbrained blond*** she so obviously loved seemed to have no intention of settling down with her.

More foolish than Reno, in a way, Rude thought to himself. Reno wouldn't take no for an answer from me. Then he shook his head. None of my business, he told himself firmly.

"Yo, Tifa!" Reno called. "Our usual, please!"

Tifa smiled. "Coming right up. How have you two been?"

Reno took to the subject happily, ranting and raving about how his life had been lately. Rude shook his head, hid his amusement, sipped his drink and looked around.

There were more people than there used to be. Of course, Midgar itself was much better off than it had been, and between them, Rufus and Reeve had been trying to improve the conditions everywhere on Gaia, including in the slums and Wutai.

About the only thing missing was the sight of those who had died, such as Zach and Aeris. Of course, just because they weren't seen didn't mean their presence wasn't felt. And it didn't bother TURKs or those of Cloud's group. No one really knew whether the other customers felt anything.

Just as the two TURKs were starting to relax, there came a bellow of rage from one of the guest rooms Tifa kept for her comrades. Footsteps pounded down the hallway, and down the stairs hurtled three people.

Yuffie zoomed out the door, triumphant. "Ha ha ha, SUCKERS!" she called back to Barret Wallace and Cid Highwind.

Barret shook his gun arm at her. "Get your ass back here, goddammit!" It was an impressive roar, but it would have been more impressive if he hadn't had to use one hand to hold up his pants.  
_She stole his belt?_ Rude wondered.

"Dammit, I knew I shoulda said no to these stupid kids when the Tiny Bronco crashed!" snarled Cid, rushing out the door after his erstwhile comrade dressed only in underwear.

Over her shoulder, Yuffie mocked, "If we're so stupid, how come I found your materia even though you were trying to keep it from me?"

With an incoherent roar of fury, Cid sped up. Yuffie yelped in shock and responded in kind.

Everyone in the bar watched as the pair rushed off into the distance.

Reno blinked. "That's something you don't see every day, yo."

That was no joke. A man in only underwear, running after a hyperactive ninja. And Cid ran leaning backward, with almost a high stepping march style, while Yuffie always had that headband and her shuriken with her.

Rude was confused. _She stole Cid's clothes?_

"Yo, Tifa, any clue what that was about?"

Tifa sighed and shook her head. "Barret's been stashing materia he doesn't want her to find in his belt with spent casings. Cid...I guess he's been having Shera sew some of his into the seams of his clothes. And Yuffie has always liked to get them riled up."

For once, Reno made the smart choice and decided he didn't want to know any more. "I see. What's for dinner?"

An hour later, Reno and Rude headed back to ShinRa headquarters with a sack full of food for their fellow TURKs and Rufus. Due to the lateness of the hour, they didn't think anything of Elena's office being unoccupied, but Tseng's was another matter. He didn't usually go home until Rufus did—except when Reno and Rude were on duty—and Rufus didn't ever go home this early.

Some unknown instinct made Reno play things cautiously when he cracked open Rufus ShinRa's office door. Rude's face froze in shock. Reno's jaw dropped, and then he grinned, raising an eyebrow at his blond boss.

Olive skin somehow seemed to just fit with the pale skin next to it as Tseng knelt down. Long black hair obscured the view, which was probably a good thing.

Rufus glared them away silently through his bangs, so Rude set the food on Tseng's desk next door. He was sure Tseng had noticed them—and just as sure that he'd let Rufus handle it.

As they walked away, Reno said, "Yo, wonder if that's why Elena likes him so much?" There was laughter in his voice. "Bet she saw them going at it and thought the sight of them fighting for dominance in bed was sexy.**** but she doesn't have the balls to go after Rufus."

Rude grunted. He didn't need to say anything. Reno would make all the comments necessary, and probably more than that.

"Or maybe she just wants to suck up to the boss," he snickered.

The bald man rolled his eyes. _Pervert_, he thought. A faint smile played over his lips.

Reno noticed it—and grinned. "Ha, caught you smiling, yo!"

They went home feeling more satisfied than they had all day, and for once, Reno's luck didn't act up all night and well into the next day. This was perhaps because they didn't leave the bed except when Rude made something to eat and brought it in, but whatever the case, Reno's mood was much improved.

When they finally drifted off to sleep, Rude's last thought was, _I don't know how he did it, but I'm glad that fiery temper and crimson hair have woven threads around me until I couldn't get out of this if I wanted to. He's made a mess of our lives in his own way—but I'll have fun when we unravel the tangles in it all, too._

*She should have known this already. It was Reno.  
**I couldn't help but send them there. It's the name of this forum we call one of our homes, and...well, I'm not telling you what comes next before you get there; it would spoil my surprise.  
***Yes, this is another way of calling Cloud a chocobo, lol.  
****If such was the case, I have to say I'd agree with Elena. XD


End file.
